Ravenswood – It’s Super Serious

What the hell did I just watch? It was an hour of weird baths, forced smiles, creepy uncles, and strange walks down (always) misty roads. I’m confused on the (slightly incestuous) relationship between a brother and a sister, enough Blue Steel poses to shame Zoolander, and the extreme intensity of that kid from Independence Day.

And you thought I wouldn’t recognize you.

First of all, everyone took themselves WAY too seriously. Even the jokes were serious. The entire episode felt like everyone was expecting to die every time they turned around. If they weren’t about to die, Creepy Uncle acted like death itself. However, he runs the local funeral parlor, so it’s supposed to be fitting.

The scares were also pretty PG, except for kid from Independence Day taking a bath and almost gets suffocated by the shower curtain. He was also much more naked than I expected him to be on ABC Family. There was also some weird pale witch who had terrible hair and gray skin (which was poorly applied, says the girl who watches waaaaay too much Face Off). She appears mainly to distract the characters like cat gets distracted with a laser pointer – they keep trying to catch her, but can never pin her down.

All of the families have suffered some kind of tragedy – depression, loss of a parent, terrible hairstyles. I don’t know how much more sadness they can try to cram down our throats. Yes, sad things happen. Yes, you’re all terrible at acting. Yes, maybe there’s a curse about the things you’re creepily talking about right before the 5 main characters drive off a bridge into the river. What I’m actually sad about is that whole hour I’ll never get back. I could’ve used it to watch something good – like Breaking Bad.

Bryan Cranston, you can do no wrong.

Pretty Little Liars – Grave New World

I would have to say out of the hours upon hours of television that I watch, my number one guilty pleasure would have to be Pretty Little Liars.  I find the show smart, funny and just the perfect amount of convoluted.  I’ve been a big mystery nerd my entire life.  Agatha Christie was my favorite author from elementary school on, and my favorite Babysitter’s Club books were the Babysitter’s Mysteries (I had all of them).  Pretty Little Liars speaks to that part of me.   I love the hints and clues, and I’m pretty good at picking up on things.  For example, I totally called *SPOILER ALERT* that Ezra was A or at least on Team A.  Assuming they don’t eventually pull a Toby, it also gave me mad respect for the show’s writers.  (They’ve literally be giving us clues since the beginning if you go back and look!)  Anyway, without further ado here were some of my favorite moments from the Halloween episode, as well as some delightfully ridiculous ones.

• When the girls first appeared in their Edwardian gear I could not believe how ridiculous they looked.  Mostly because of the hats.  But seriously, Edwardian is such a weirdly specific theme.

Seriously, what are these hats?

• I think the writers are trying to make it clear that Ezra isn’t going to be a red herring or a double agent like Toby.  It was especially evident in the moment where Ezra calls Aria.  As a viewer, you can clearly see that the dynamic has changed and it’s a bit unsettling.  That being said I totally love it.

Oh just wait.

• Creepy red twins!  These were a bit of a let down when they were finally revealed (just regular old citizens of Ravenswood).  It would have been so much better had they been a cameo by the creepy ghost twins from past Halloween episodes.

So creepy.

• Poor Emily always seems to get the short end of the stick.  Of course, she is the one first confronted by Grundlewald.  Of course, she’s almost cut in half by a jagged glass window.  Give the gay a break!

• When the four Liars are bantering together I get giddy.  So well written.  Also, Spencer and Hannah please don’t ever change.

Oh shut up, you totally are.

• Oh Ali.  Just your typical zombie/ghost friend disappearing through hidden doors in a tomb.

• HANNA GETS REPLACED BY A STATUE!  This one I was actually surprised by.  Also how was Hanna the one who kept her hat the longest?  Probably because it was shoved so far on her head she couldn’t see past the brim.

• RATS!  God that was the worst part of the whole episode.  Can’t handle it.  Poor Hanna.

• What the hell was with the weird alien things outside of the phone booth?  But Ali’s face and DoughboyEzra showing up afterward were totally freaky.

• Okay, writers, you know I love you, but stop trying to make Ravenswood happen on Pretty Little Liars.  I’m planning on watching the damn show in minutes.  Please don’t take away time from the main PLL storyline to give us backstory on this weird hobo girl.  Seriously the time spent with Miranda made me not want to watch the damn show.

But not today, because you’ve put me off of it. Look for a Ravenswood review on Friday.

• I loved Spencer beating the shit out of DoughboyEzra and ALMOST unmasking him.  I also love that he seems to have seriously contemplated killing her.  I wonder why he didn’t.

• Come on guys did we really not think that was a recording of Ali’s voice.

• Best moment of the episode:

Spencer: “One of us knows how to change a tire right?”
Emily: “Are you looking at me cause I’m gay?”

So gay.

• Really?  Hanna is going to ask Caleb to stay in Ravenswood?  No just no.

• Ezra picking up the girls was perfect.  Everything he does now is suspicious.  But how did he drive all the way back to Rosewood without exposing his cut hand?

• And the biggest non-surprise of all – Ali is alive.

The countdown is on for January!  In the meantime, I’ll get over my apathy and get to reviewing Ravenswood.  Let’s hope it fill the void until 4B.