How You Met My Rage

Dear HIMYM Sorry Excuses for Writers,

If I wanted to have a penis slapped in my face, I would’ve gone to Thunder from Down Under.  This final episode was everything that most of the internet didn’t want it to be – about Robin.  For a show titled “How I Met Your Mother”, it’s messed up that the episode spent 80% of the episode focusing on Robin and 15% on the Mother (the other 5% was about Lily’s awkward Moby Dick costume).  Because you make Robin sad, does that make it ok for Ted to go back to Robin in the end?  I’ve watched cereal commercials with more emotional depth than this episode.

I understand that the show is about big moments and growing up, but the finale went back on it all.  After spending 63 painful episodes dragging out Barney and Robin’s wedding, their 15 minute marriage stomped on everything.  It was going to be how even those who don’t want to grow up (both Robin and Barney) can grow up in their own way.   Not in the Ted and Mother way, not in the Marshall and Lily way, but in their own unique way.  In a way that wasn’t mindnumbingly stupid and pointless, which is what it ended up being.  Apparently you spent the 9th season baking up a lovely batch of “f- you”.

I also noticed that a very unflattering point was that you cannot be happy unless you have children.  Lily and Marshall ended up with 3 children.  Barney was super depressed and was only happy once he had a baby girl.  Ted and the Mother had 2 kids and were happy – although I have to assume this because we only saw the Mother for 5 FREAKING MINUTES.  Poor single and lonely Robin was left to die in the world alone, surrounded by her dogs.  Screw you, Writers.  Families come in all shapes and sizes, and not every family wants, needs or has children.

It’s exhausting being this angry, but thank God for the internet.  Someone out there who actually understood the audience for this entire freaking show put together the right ending.

It’s beautiful, lovely, short and sums up everything we’ve been hoping for.  There’s no “it’s ok to go bang Aunt Robin…again.”  No stupid looking 50 year old Ted grinning with a damn blue french horn in his hand.  Nothing that will make you want to punch a hole in your television.  Do yourself a favor and watch the real ending to a (formerly) great TV show.

Also, did something happen to Bob Saget?




Tracy, we hardly knew you! – How I Met Your Mother Season Finale (Spoilers)

As the last thirty or so minutes of How I Met Your Mother‘s hour long series finale unfolded last night, I kept looking over wide-eyed and unbelieving at my wife.  She too sat mouth agape in disbelief.  Did they really go there?

Yes, in fact they did.

Every crazy theory seemed to come true.  Barney and Robin got divorced. The Mother was dead (long dead at that). Ted and Robin got back together.

What the actual hell.

At first I was angry at what happened.  This is not at all what I had signed up for when I started watching this show.  It was a cop out and basically invalidated the whole premise.

However, the more I think about it the more I realize I’m not angry with what happened as much as the way it happened.  These things weren’t earned.  They felt like the characters being shoehorned into a story that the writers insisted on, but the characters no longer organically fit.

The writers knew where the story was going.  They filmed the scene where the kids insist Ted pursue Aunt Robin years ago!  (That must have been one hell of a non-disclosure agreement for those kids!)  So why didn’t they organically build what was coming into the story?  Sure, we had hints that the mother was going to die.  And in retrospect carrying on the Ted and Robin thing to the point of being ridiculous makes a bit more sense now.  (Plus the death of the Mother’s first love and her story about moving on now seems like a big red flag.)  But why spend the entire final season on Barney and Robin’s wedding if you are just going to break them up twenty minutes into the finale?  Why even get Barney and Robin back together if Ted and Robin were end game?

They could have easily truncated the wedding into the front 12 episodes and spent the back 12 fleshing out the fifteen years that was crammed into the hour finale.  People change from who they were in their twenties.  Friends who were inseparable grow apart when life happens and have to work to build a new different kind of friendship.  People find the love of their lives and only get to spend ten years together before they lose them.  These are all stories worth telling, but only if you take the time to actually develop them organically into the story.

I feel cheated by the writers, not because they didn’t give me what I wanted (though they didn’t), but because they didn’t take the time to make what they wanted actually make sense in the story they were telling.  With a long ago filmed final scene and an announced final season they had the time and the resources, and that is what I find most disappointing.

I think if I had been in the writers room, I would have taken a look at that final scene then taken a look at what I had built up over nine seasons, and I would left that scene on the cutting room floor (perhaps for a crazy bonus alternate ending on the Full Series Blu-Ray release).  I would have ended the series with the Mother and Ted meeting under the umbrella for the first time, because happy endings aren’t a bad thing and the truth is everything that happened to Ted over those nine seasons made him into a person ready to meet the love of his life, all of it no matter how arbitrary it seemed or slightly creepy it was that he was telling his children about all the chicks he banged.  Becoming the person you need to become before meeting your soul mate – that’s the story that I thought they were telling.  Evidently I was wrong.

How I Met Your Final Season – With Grave Disappointment

Following much debate between Jen and I, we’ve decided to abandon recapping How I Met Your Terrible and Disappointing Final Season. After watching the last episode in which absolutely nothing happened (and I threw a fit about how stupid the writers now think we are), it’s become a waste of time to try and care about how this show ends.

I don't care

Of course we’ll still watch it, but don’t expect to find any new recaps. Perhaps we’ll post a reaction gif or two, nothing more. What’s become of this final season is a tragedy and a shadow of what it used to be. The characters are not who they were for the past 8 years – watered-down cartoon versions now throw temper tantrums over thank you cards, reassure each other that they are madly in love in every sentence, and have broken every rule these writers carefully established. Ted can take that yellow umbrella and shove it up his butt.

up your butt

From The Husband:

And where the hell is the mother?! How do you premise an entire season of a show, of a series, and in the final season’s big reveal they’ve shown her once and now they’re just wasting time? Show the mother! Show the mother! The whole point is building her up so that the payoff works because they’ve built it up so much over the past 8 seasons, and now they’re not even resolving it…they’re wasting time with this nonsense about thank you cards. It would be ten times better if the season were 5 episodes long, cut out all the crap, and finally show us who the mother is and how they meet. End of story, successful show, no more bullshit.

my brain hurts

How I Met Your Final Season – Episode 2

Character Synopsis

We find Lily spending some time with Ted, speaking to him about revealing to everyone else that he’s planning on moving to Chicago. It’s revealed that Lily’s gorgeous rehearsal dress was destroyed in a sword fight between Marshall and Ted. As punishment, she makes them each wear something they don’t want to be caught dead in – Ted in the old-timey bathing suit, Marshall is decked out in Greenbay Packers gear. After she covers for Ted when Robin discovers the list, she tells Ted to say goodbye to the negative things that happened in New York. (Also, nice job continuing the Kennedy Treatment/Linus gag without making it overwhelming and stupid.)

Barney and Robin:
Barney and Robin contemplate what type of married couple they will be in 60 years. Afraid that they will be a quarreling old couple that never has sex, they desperately try to find a crazy public place to have sex. They accidentally find James’ hiding place, where James explains that the loss of spark what was ended his marriage (apparently now ignoring the fact that he cheated). He then sacrifices himself to the old people so that Robin and Barney can have time alone. They find themselves in a room and happen to hear an older couple going at it. They decide that that’s the kind of couple they want to be in 60 years, make disgustingly cute faces at each other, and shout the magic words, “Mandy Patinkin” to finally greet their families.

We find Marshall still on the road to Farhampton, now traveling (unwillingly) through Wisconsin. He and Daphne seem to get along fine, and she takes great joy in helping Lily dish out his punishment. Approx. 14 hours and 35 minutes left to go of this storyline!

Ted goes over his “Goodbye New York” list with Lily, revealing that everything except one item has been crossed off – have a final glass of scotch with Barney. Lily points out that he’s been avoiding Barney, and he needs to be supportive by celebrating with his best bro instead of saying farewell. He finally goes to meet Barney on the patio for their final scotch where Barney drops the bomb that he saw Ted with Robin at the carousel and Ted drops the $600 bottle of scotch Lily just stole from the liquor store.

What’s with that?

What’s with Ted’s LA trip not being acknowledged?

This is how I feel they ended the first episode.  You can't ignore that!

This is how I feel they ended the first episode. You can’t ignore that!

Sydney: I know they want to build up to it (it is the final season), but they are creating too many loose ends and story lines that are going to need conclusions. It was a big part of the first episode, and I want them to get to that conclusion faster. At least so I can stop being so damn angry with Ted.

Jen: Yeah they need to wrap that up quickly and get over sad Ted. Making Ted hold onto Robin for this long is making the whole season super uncomfortable for me.

What’s with Barney and Robin being so freaked out about what kind of old couple they will be?

Ugh, this was the only picture I could find of them from this episode.

Ugh, this was the only picture I could find of them from this episode.

Sydney: I feel like they’re making drama out of nothing. Robin and Barney didn’t really have any actual problems in this episode (unless you count trying to find a place to do it), and it got really annoying.

Jen: I know that Swarkles will probably make it in the long run, simply because they have a lot of fans and no one wants to end a show with two beloved characters divorced. BUT, I think if they actually stayed true to Robin and Barney’s characters, they would last less than five years as a married couple.

Sydney: Thanks for raining on the parade, Jen. I know you’re right, but let’s all play along with the perfect fantasy world they’re creating where every character flaw these two characters have had over the past 8 years has vanished because they “found each other”. Excuse me while I vomit now.

What’s with Ted avoiding Barney?

I just really wanted to use this gif.

I just really wanted to use this gif.

Sydney: OMG Ted, grow a pair. This goes back to Ted not being able to let go of Robin – just grow up and move on, Ted. Lily was completely right (as she usually is) that Barney needs Ted’s support more than anything, especially since they’re such close friends.

Jen: Definitely, they are making Ted weak and pathetic. Why would the Mother fall for Ted at this point? I can see the Mother going for Ted two seasons ago (ish), but right now no woman would even look twice at him.

What’s with not showing the Mother?

You made us like her, then you took her away!

You made us like her, then you took her away!

Jen: She’s a series regular so let’s use her! I actually found that I was missing her in this episode. I think she provides a light at the end of the miserable tunnel.

Sydney: Give us more Mother!!! You made us like her, so use her!!! You are right about the saddness train heading on through the neverending miserable tunnel. I think it would be more awesome if they had her more prominent in the background, like grabbing a drink at the bar behind Ted or just ending a quick meeting with Robin about the music before Robin goes over to say hi to Ted. Make it fun, writers!

What’s with Lily forcing Marshall to go full Cheesehead?

Cheesehead of SHAME!

Cheesehead of SHAME!

Jen: That’s just cruel! As a diehard Saints fan, I know that I was ever forced to wear full Falcons gear my skin would likely melt off. I’m just saying. Ted got to wear something that, let’s be honest, there’s a good chance he might have worn on his own. Poor Marshall was stuck in enemy territory wearing a cheese head and all! Not cool.Sydney: But they destroyed her dress!!!! And I must admit, that was a pretty awesome looking dress. Having them wear something they wouldn’t want to (although I agree with you about Ted in the old timey bathing suit) seemed an equal punishment. However, I think the writers could’ve been more creative with the punishment.

How I Met Your Final Season – Episode 1

We here at Animal Style Hurricane have spent countless hours watching How I Met Your Mother – increasing our high fives, legendary moments, parktaking in Slapsgivings, and enjoying the ride of five friends in New York City. For the final season of HIMYM, we’ve decided to go with a different approach. We’ll be giving you a run down of what each character is up to, a “What’s with that?” section where we discuss the show, and our list of things we need tied up before Ted comes across the yellow umbrella.

Lily started out in a very annoying car ride with Ted out to Long Island, but had him drop her off at the train station because she couldn’t stand his ass anymore. Stressed out over the negative messages her mother-in-law was sending, Lily finds comfort in the Mother. She shares her cookies, gives Lily a shoulder to cry on, and lends her full support to this stranger she just met. Lily arrives at the location and, since Marshall is delayed, proceeds to drink with a gusto we’re kinda proud of.
thank you linus

Barney and Robin:
On their way to the location of the wedding, Barney and Robin go over their invited wedding guests, realizing that they have way too many wild cards. Turns out one of the wild cards just might be a cousin they are both related to. Nope, just a weird false alarm and an awkward portion of the episode.
Later on, we find out that his brother, James, is getting a divorce. Robin is afraid that the news of the divorce will hurt Barney. Barney learns the news from an intoxicated Lily and turns out, he’s fine. But Robin’s panic seems to indicate that perhaps she’s not.
limo throw up
Marshall still has not told Lily that he has accepted the judge position in NY. His mom posts a picture online announcing that he’s about to become a judge, which he immediately calls her to tell her to take it down. The writers have apparently made Marshall stupid for this season, and because he didn’t get off the phone, got him and the woman sitting next to him kicked off the flight. (You would think as a newly appointed judge, Marshall would be extra careful to say not get on a government watch list?) They end up at the same rental car place, where he trusts this woman to go buy a baby seat and come back for him and Baby Marvin, which she does. It’s an 18 hour drive to New York from the St. Paul Minnesota Airport. Let’s hope this storyline doesn’t get old as fast I expect it to.
Ted intentionally annoys Lily so that he can get to the wedding location first and give Robin a gift. Lily thinks it’s the locket Robin wanted, but it turns out it’s a photo of the gang (from the credits). Turns out the locket is in LA with Stella, and Lily makes him promise not to go looking for it. Everyone makes a big deal that Ted is the single guy at the wedding. We get a glimpse of Future Ted with the Mother, but we also see Ted buying a plane ticket to LA, with the implied intention of going to find the locket.

Douche move, Ted. You don’t get a gif.

What’s with that?

What’s with Robin being scared of Barney finding out his brother is getting divorced?

Sydney: Robin needs to get some confidence in her man. I can understand some of her hesitations and reservations because of the Barney we have known for the past 8 years (who is not this same Barney that we’re seeing now), but that is going to get real old, real quick.

Jen: Yeah, but consider her entire relationship with Barney especially leading up to their proposal. I mean look at their proposal it was a play out of his playbook! (I still haven’t forgiven him for choosing Ted’s big day to propose. That’s just a really shitty friend move.) Besides, it’s not like Barney hasn’t done the “changed man” act with not one, but two women directly before her. (Nora and Quinn) I do agree that if they keep playing it the way they currently are it will get old quickly, but at the same time girl’s got a point.

What’s with Marshall suddenly trusting everyone in the world?

She gets it from her husband.

Jen: We’ve seen Marshall’s midwestern values shine through for so long that wouldn’t it be more interesting for a hint of New Yorker to come through and startle everyone (especially him)? Also, I find it hard to believe that Barney would not have been able to arrange something to get him out of there. Which makes me think the better way to play out that storyline without making Marhsall look stupid (and with making Barney look awesome) would have been to have Barney organize Marshall’s car so that when Marshall got to the car rental place it seemed like there were no more cars, but he has a car waiting (because Barney set it up). That would have opened it up for him to chose to be nice to the extremely annoying lady thereby keeping his Midwestern values in tack without making him look like a dumbass.

Sydney: That’s would’ve been a great way to play up both of the characters strengths without dumbing down the characters themselves. It got to a point of ridunkulous when Marshall got kicked off the plane for not getting off the phone with his mom. I understand the frustration in not letting that be the way Lily finds out, but to the point of refusing to hang up while everyone is yelling at you?

What’s with Ted going to LA?

No, Ted, control your douchiness!

Jen: Wouldn’t it have been just the most amazing thing ever had they decided to drop the Ted still has a thing for Robin storyline in this episode? “Oh the locket is in LA, oh that would be crazy for me to go get it. What am I doing?” Done. They really should have dropped it.

Sydney: SCREW YOU TED. I know the writers are probably going to make it all better once he gets out to LA and realizes he’s being stupid, but the mere fact that he’s going to LA (implying that he’s going to find the locket) makes him a stupid face. What the hell is that going to achieve, Ted?!?! Going out of your way to get the locket for a girl who is marrying another guy is a shitty thing to do. You are not being a good friend. You are being an asshole to Barney and Robin and their marriage.

Jen: I like Ted, I sympathize with Ted, but this storyline has made me feel awkward since the beginning. I’m not a Robney/Barnin(?)(I looked it up it’s Swarkles which I love) fan by any means. In fact, I really don’t like them together, but saddling Ted with this storyline (especially so close to the end!) is really just hurting the show. Move on!

I want to like them together…I just don’t.

What’s with the fact that we may already know the ending of the Marshall/Lily storyline?

Jen: Well we know for a fact that Marshall does indeed become a judge so does that mean they’re going to be apart for a year? Does that mean that Marvin isn’t getting a brother or sister anytime soon? (Or possibly ever?!)

Sydney: Marshall and Lily are definitely having more kids, that I’m not worried about. It’s the resolution to the problem of who gets to fulfill their dreams and at what cost. Remember how Lily called off their first wedding and ran away to San Fran because she wanted to follow her dreams for once? I hope the writers don’t just patch it up with sappy emotions (aka The Barney Treatment), but with the real life upset it would cause. I might need the Kennedy Treatment myself to get through that.

What’s with James cheating on his husband?

Jen: I get it. He’s a Stinson, but not cool dude. You’ve got a kid!

Sydney: Screw you too, James. I’m not a big fan of cheating. Even in a story line. It’s a cop out.

James, we think you have a problem.

What’s with Robin possibly not telling Barney that she can’t have/doesn’t want kids?

Yeah there’s no “even if”, buddy.

Jen: In the limo he seemed to think it was still a possibility.  Has she not told him about her infertility issues?  Also she’s broken up with two guys because of the no kids thing.  Shouldn’t this have come up before the car ride to their wedding?

Sydney: I think the writers are constantly trying to prove Robin wrong about Barney and completely alter his reactions to every problem that arises. Eventually she’ll either have to come clean with her infertility issues or accept that Barney wants kids. Robin has a lot more problems than anyone is paying attention to.

What we need for closure:

  • The future of Barney and Robin’s marriage – Does it work out? Do they break up?
  • How many kids Lily and Marshall have.
  • Ted’s proposal.
  • Ted on his wedding day.
  • Ted on the day his kids are born.
  • A flash forward to the front porch (with the Mother).
  • A resolution to the Marshall/Lily conundrum.
  • Marvin holding one of Ted’s kids (how freaking cute would that be?).
  • The final slap.