American Horror Story – Episode 3 – No Touchie Touchie

I’m going to make it short and sweet here.  I was definitely scarred for life by the amount of sexual situations (whether or not it was great moment) there were.  It had some good – strike that, great – moments that made up for all of those confusing sexual messages.

WTF Moments:

Queenie’s attempt to seduce the Minotaur

I’m starting to think Ryan Murphy thinks every woman has the superpower of sex. Not implying sex, or being sexual. I mean just start touching themselves and everything goes the way women want it to. I understand that Queenie thinks she can reach the Minotaur by relating to him as a monster, a creature that isn’t normal. But the second she pulled up her dress, I thought “Really, Murphy? That’s the only way she’s going to try to connect to this monster?” Right then did not seem like a particularly opportune time to start masturbating.


Kyle’s Mom molesting him

Jen and I have this theory about American Horror Story that the most horrible things that happen on the show have nothing to do with the supernatural. It’s the normal people around us that we should be afraid of. This is one of those terrifying moments. I got suspicious when she cried that she “wanted to hold him one more time.” It became horrible when she molested him. It quickly turned into W.T.F. when she revealed that she had been molesting him for a long time.


Favorite Moments:

Kathy Bates crying over Barack Obama/Being made Queenie’s slave

I don’t think Kathy Bates has made me laugh this hard since The Waterboy. I love their use of her old world ideals as a way to torture her. She’s not babied or treated kindly because of her ignorance of present day social rules. They don’t slowly introduce her to what’s changed since she “died.” Instead, she’s made Queenie’s slave. Brilliant.


Jessica Lange killing the crap out of Emma Roberts

Let’s be honest with ourselves, we all wanted to see Emma Roberts get smacked around ever since she smacked around her boyfriend (yeah, remember that tabloid story?) I love this because it solidifies Jessica Lange’s Supreme Witch as the selfish royal bitch she’s been parading herself around as. Each character she’s played in the American Horror Story series has had similar characteristics – all knowing, ulterior motives, a rocking wardrobe. However, she’s always had a hint of morality. This particular character is so concerned with her own goals and position of power, it makes her a fabulous villain.


Kyle smashing his molesting mom’s face in with a trophy

After being disgusted with her, it was satisfying to see Kyle/Frankenstein wake up and not be subjected to that shit anymore. It was an appropriate death for a character that caused so much pain. I also liked that they showed not only the aftermath (where her face was so caved in that it looked like a candy dish), they also showed Kyle/Frankenstein covered in her blood.



One thought on “American Horror Story – Episode 3 – No Touchie Touchie

  1. I’m so sad about Emma Roberts! I’m going to miss her.

    Also, when Kyle started beating his mom to death I said, “Oh that’s why they didn’t announce Mare Winningham as part of the cast.”

    Also, I hate Patti Lupone. Can she die soon please?

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